Following the Voice

So I felt like I was starting to lose myself.... do you know what that feels like?  I felt like I was starting to become someone that I didn't want to be and I was no longer passionate about what I did. I wanted to be doing something I loved, something that helped others, to teach, to be where I was called, but how was I supposed to do that?

I mean, I was living the American Dream right? I had a good paying job and that's all anyone is supposed to want, right?  Never mind that I dreaded going to work every day, that negativity crept in to even my simplest actions, and that I dreamed of being in the classroom working with students daily instead of behind my desk wasting away.

I began to feel a prod in the direction of teaching again last May when I thought about restarting in my teaching program.  On a whim, I emailed the director to see about summer enrollment (what pregnant woman on restricted duty with two kids wouldn't want to add grad student to that fun mix?), doubting that I could get in before the summer classes started.  Mind you they did start the following week I think!

Magically, it worked! And I was able to enroll and start classes again.

Next came lots of opportunities this fall and less prodding and more pushing in this direction.

Over Christmas break, my hubby and I did lots of praying and talking and discussing and crying and came to the decision that it was time to leave my "perfect" job and pursue where the Lord was leading me into teaching.

So with the new year, came a new outlook and journey in life and I have left my full-time semi-stable job to work, for free for now, in the classroom and go to school to learn, practice, and perfect my craft.

The sermon that Sunday was on Following the Voice and 1 Samuel 3:9 and how sometimes we don't always understand right away what the Lord is calling on us to do, but if we listen and we lean on his support and guidance we will hear the directions to follow.

*I know, I know, crazy lady right? I have to say 5-10 years ago, I probably would have said the same thing, however I have seen over and over again how God's hand has been there and guided different events in my life and I cannot say with any more conviction that I believe his hand is guiding this as well (~crazy~)*

Sooooo I turned in my resignation, and stepped out on a leap of faith.  Each and every day I trust that he is leading me where he wants me to be and that when the time comes it will be plain to see!

Overwhelmed

Tomorrow is another Monday....some days I hate Mondays.  I didn't get my Sunday dose of the light at FUMC this week and it was bleak and dreary here.  While I did get to spend some wonderful family game time at lunch as the afternoon has progressed the blahs have set it - don't shake your head, I'm sure you've had them too.

My kids have been asking a lot about why we don't have presents yet under the tree and why we can't do this and why we can't do that.  And my answer usually is that we can spend our money on every little thing because then we won't have it to do the things we really want to - and my kids are usually really good about it and the subject drops. 

But it is this time of year - when there aren't yet presents under the tree, and the lights on the top of the tree don't work, and the washer machine decided to die tonight with a load soaking in it, and it all just seems a little overwhelming at times.  Has that ever happened to you?

I think it especially hits home with me at the moment because I have heard the words or allusion to suicide too much for my liking recently.  From people not realizing the impact of their words, to the lost's testimony at church, to a family friend that recently decided that it was just too much to take anymore - there is something about this time of the year, especially that people can forget about the others needing just a little kindness and love in their lives.

This past summer, I was really struggling with some things personally.  I mean had a hard time keeping it together at work for quite some time struggling and crying when I got home.   My daughter especially would begin checking on me in the rear view mirror if I got to quiet to make sure Mommy was okay.  It most definitely was not a good place to be. 

That is when this journey of living well really began to take hold and start.  I knew that if I wanted to get out of this pit that I was in I had to make some changes.  So I started looking  at my foods, getting active in sports with the kids, leaning more back on my husband (as if I should have never not been leaning on him in the first place, but you know some times you have to be strong enough to recognize you need to lean on someone else from time to time), working in the garden, and making sure that I was talking to God - a lot. 

Some where around the remembering to talk to God, because once again I for some silly reason thought I was strong enough to handle things ALL on my own....silly girl, time things started to click back into place for me.   I remember some one asking me if I listened to KLove - no silly lady that is the gospel junk that my granny used to listen too and I can't take more than 2 minutes (was my response in my head!) - and I said no.  She told me I needed to get some Mandisa in my life and jam all the way to work to get my spirit in the right place.  Man-di-who?  I must admit, sadly I didn't know that name, however I have since come to love her and am so blessed by the charge I'm given in the mornings by listening to Air One (NOT your Granny's gospel music - I promise). 

There are numerous studies that suggest our bodies and our emotions adjust to those around you.  So I for one, who has dealt with some blues before, hope that you will smile a little brighter at the stranger beside you, say a kind word to the person you pass in the hall, encourage you to surround yourself with positivity when you are feeling down, blast out some Mandisa and know that you don't have to be overwhelmed - you can be an Overcomer!

Sharing the Love

Filling others cups...
 

Have you ever had to spend the holidays away from home?  And maybe not just away from home because you were visiting friends and family, but in a hospital or alone with no one around.  If you haven't, count your very many blessings because as we all sit down this Thanksgiving remember there are those who can't - for whatever reason.

Now this isn't a blog to make you feel bad about how blessed you have been - I don't believe in that crap.  But what it is about is our journey to try and (see "try" still slips into my vocabulary) make the world around us a little better place and how we are doing that.

Most Thanksgivings when we are home we will go and deliver meals with the local Meals On Wheels program.  We started doing this when Rose was a year old and it has been an excellent way to get out into our community - for her to see how fortunate we are. 

I will never forget a couple of years ago we delivered to an older man, who lived in a decent part of town (some of the homes we delivered to were missing floors, shacks, etc.).  He was so apologetic for getting his meal - see his wife was in a nursing home and he spent most of his time there with her and just didn't have the gumption to cook when he got home.  He said it wasn't that he couldn't afford to pay the meals, he just wanted some home cooking without having to sit by himself at a restaurant. 

See that's the thing that I love about Meals on Wheels and many of the other opportunities to support others.  There isn't a question of the why behind the need - they are just there to fill it - and I think that is how we are all called to treat others.

We weren't going to be home this Thanksgiving so we helped prepare a meal for a friend instead.  She and her family will be spending Thanksgiving and the day after, which happens to be her birthday, with her sister and brother-in-law at the cancer hospital while he fights for his life.  To keep his and the rest of the family's spirits up some of our friends have gotten together to provide them a little taste of the holiday.  I dropped my contribution - and some pretty plates to hopefully make the hospital room a little more homey - off at the organizer's home on the way out of town.

So this holiday as you are enjoying your time with loved ones - take a moment and remember those that may not be as fortunate.  And if you can take time to do something about it - even if it just make your smile a little brighter as you pass the gravy!

Happy Thanksgiving!