Where are you going?

I'll be honest I struggle with setting goals, and therefore struggle with meeting them. I think for me personally, I sometimes try to bite of more than I can chew and end up trying without doing. Which is why I think over the past couple of months, we've just started "doing" things without necessarily an end goal in mind. One of the great cop-outs, er I mean benefits, of doing that is it's kind of like "trying" right? I mean if you don't really have an established goal, then you can never fail.....however can you really succeed?

My day job is working for a large Fortune 500 company that has a "pay for performance" plan for salary increases - much to the dismay of many of the new leaders within the company.  Employees set goals, or commitments, work towards those commitments throughout the year and then measured against the benchmark that they set in the end to determine their salary increase.  It's a similar plan across many businesses. 

One thing that I have seen my team members struggle with is setting SMART goals, and quite honestly this is one of the main areas where I struggle in setting personal goals.  I want to skip right over the moon and stars and go straight to another galaxy.  But that is the thing about setting SMART goals, when thought about and done correctly this technique doesn't allow you to skip the stars and you don't give up flying to the moon.

So what are SMART goals? 

S – Specific (or Significant).
M – Measurable (or Meaningful)
A – Attainable (or Action-Oriented)
R – Relevant (or Rewarding)
T – Time-bound (or Trackable)

So to say that my goal for my family is to eat healthier in 2014....if you look at it that is not really a goal - it's a lifestyle change, my dream or an end result.  The goal is the steps along the way to get there. 

So my goal might be "I will read food labels for each pre-packaged item that I bring into my home, every time I go shopping in 2014 to ensure that it is a healthy choice for my family."

Is it specific? Pretty daggone if you ask me :)
Is it measurable?  Every time I go shopping for each item - yep.
Is it attainable?  It might be a little big at first if I eat a lot of packaged items, and this is where it could be broken down to smaller goals may be helpful.
Is it relevant?  This is something I'm becoming very passionate and educated on so yes, very relevant to me!
Is it time-bound? Every time I go shopping in 2014 - check!

The other part of goal setting that I struggle with personally, (anyone else out there - come on I can't be by myself on this one) is sharing my goal so that others can help me along the way (and hold me accountable).  I guess, I almost feel like if I keep it to myself, once again no one can know if I fail (gee, can you see a reoccurring theme of fear of failure here?).  But any good support system will cheer you on in your goal when it is one to make you or the world around you better (I mean, I would really have to question your support system if your goal was to rob so many banks, or fart so many times a day - this should be the time they should step up and lovingly remind you that those are SMART goals - in any way, shape or form).

Some of my personal goals for 2014 (so you aren't getting the specific version - sorry that's reserved for the ones who actually know all of my innermost secrets!):

*Establish and maintain a monthly household budget and review it weekly
*Work out for 20-30 minutes 2-3 times a week
*Read to my munchkins at least 4 nights a week
*Remove the toxic chemicals from my home and convert to greener products
*Eat 2 fruits a day (seems silly I know, but seeing as how I don't do it daily it probably should be a goal)
*Have 1 date night a month with my hubby (no one said we had to spend money - maybe I just cook for him at home while the kids spend the night elsewhere - that counts as a date right?)

There they are published - now you can hold me accountable or cheer me along, however you best motivate!

What are your goals?  Where are you going?  How do you plan to get there?

Attitudes and my own mutiny!

My daughter is six, let me start of by saying that first.  She has seen Miley's Wrecking Ball, although not that I wasn't happy about it, and has definitely started showing her developing attitude a lot more lately.   My grandmother has noticed it.  Rose and I have talked about it.  My neighbor and I were consoling ourselves this morning because we are seeing the same thing in both of our little girls - snarkiness, extreme sassiness (I'll be honest I'm okay with a little sassy and feel like it is my motherly duty to develop it correctly.  I'm always in awe of other women who are able to reply at the right time with just the right amount of sass and not come off snarky or naggy - I'm sooooooo not that woman!), whininess, moodiness and just plain attitude.

I asked Rose where she is learning to act like this (I'm not delusional, she's in public schools and I know that I can't protect her all of the time - but I do think that it is my job as a mother to continually open the lines of communication and redirect behaviors that are not appropriate) - her response was the older kids at school.  Not terribly surprised, about the answer I expected - monkey see, monkey do - right? 

And I completely understand that she is learning to develop her own personality, I just don't want it to be one that is so snarky. 

So I know that I can't control what she sees at school (okay, I guess I could spend all my time with her at school and monitor everything and everyone she interacts with.......but that might be a little crazy and I would never get any work done!), and we really try to monitor what she watches at home - so I'm left with what do I do?

Quite honestly, I don't think this is just a problem that we are experiencing in our house, or just across the street.  I think this is reflective of a bigger societal problem in how we still see women as a society and the impact it is having on our young girls. 

I came across this video that really hit home, Media views on Women in 2013.  I'm not that old (in comparing myself to a generation that had to walk to school for miles in the sleet and snow with only one pair of shoes for the whole year - you've heard that story right?) but I do remember when you didn't see ads for Viagra or tampons on TV and the Huxtables were the family that you wanted to go home to (I was watching the episode where Claire took Theo to Family Court in their living room for lying the other day, I hope I can be half the mother I think she was!).  The role models that young people looked up to generally remained true role models - not like Miley, Brittney, Lindsay, and Amanda have become.  I mean when Madonna first started singing and making videos those were risqué right (I only got to watch them by sneaking at friends house.....hmmmm probably how Rose saw Wrecking Ball, I guess)?  However she continued to push the envelope about bigger issues in society, not just focusing on herself.

I have to admit, I definitely wasn't as sensitive to all of this until I started watching my daughter reflect some of the behaviors she was witnessing - being worried about her body image (she thinks she needs to go on a diet to be beautiful and SHE'S SIX!!! For those that know me well, dieting is not a common word in our house - being healthy, yes, but not dieting!), wanting to wear make-up to be pretty (I've tried to tell her since she was born how pretty she is, inside and out, every single day of her life), all in addition to the attitude.

Soooo what the heck does a mother do?  Well, this one is waging my own personal mutiny against the way society is telling my daughter the way she should look, act, think and behave.  I'm committing to talking to her daily, letting her know that I'm here for her no matter what, monitoring what she is exposed, and reminding her of how blessed she is to be made in God's image.

Will you join me in my mutiny for our children??

Overwhelmed

Tomorrow is another Monday....some days I hate Mondays.  I didn't get my Sunday dose of the light at FUMC this week and it was bleak and dreary here.  While I did get to spend some wonderful family game time at lunch as the afternoon has progressed the blahs have set it - don't shake your head, I'm sure you've had them too.

My kids have been asking a lot about why we don't have presents yet under the tree and why we can't do this and why we can't do that.  And my answer usually is that we can spend our money on every little thing because then we won't have it to do the things we really want to - and my kids are usually really good about it and the subject drops. 

But it is this time of year - when there aren't yet presents under the tree, and the lights on the top of the tree don't work, and the washer machine decided to die tonight with a load soaking in it, and it all just seems a little overwhelming at times.  Has that ever happened to you?

I think it especially hits home with me at the moment because I have heard the words or allusion to suicide too much for my liking recently.  From people not realizing the impact of their words, to the lost's testimony at church, to a family friend that recently decided that it was just too much to take anymore - there is something about this time of the year, especially that people can forget about the others needing just a little kindness and love in their lives.

This past summer, I was really struggling with some things personally.  I mean had a hard time keeping it together at work for quite some time struggling and crying when I got home.   My daughter especially would begin checking on me in the rear view mirror if I got to quiet to make sure Mommy was okay.  It most definitely was not a good place to be. 

That is when this journey of living well really began to take hold and start.  I knew that if I wanted to get out of this pit that I was in I had to make some changes.  So I started looking  at my foods, getting active in sports with the kids, leaning more back on my husband (as if I should have never not been leaning on him in the first place, but you know some times you have to be strong enough to recognize you need to lean on someone else from time to time), working in the garden, and making sure that I was talking to God - a lot. 

Some where around the remembering to talk to God, because once again I for some silly reason thought I was strong enough to handle things ALL on my own....silly girl, time things started to click back into place for me.   I remember some one asking me if I listened to KLove - no silly lady that is the gospel junk that my granny used to listen too and I can't take more than 2 minutes (was my response in my head!) - and I said no.  She told me I needed to get some Mandisa in my life and jam all the way to work to get my spirit in the right place.  Man-di-who?  I must admit, sadly I didn't know that name, however I have since come to love her and am so blessed by the charge I'm given in the mornings by listening to Air One (NOT your Granny's gospel music - I promise). 

There are numerous studies that suggest our bodies and our emotions adjust to those around you.  So I for one, who has dealt with some blues before, hope that you will smile a little brighter at the stranger beside you, say a kind word to the person you pass in the hall, encourage you to surround yourself with positivity when you are feeling down, blast out some Mandisa and know that you don't have to be overwhelmed - you can be an Overcomer!