Following the Voice

So I felt like I was starting to lose myself.... do you know what that feels like?  I felt like I was starting to become someone that I didn't want to be and I was no longer passionate about what I did. I wanted to be doing something I loved, something that helped others, to teach, to be where I was called, but how was I supposed to do that?

I mean, I was living the American Dream right? I had a good paying job and that's all anyone is supposed to want, right?  Never mind that I dreaded going to work every day, that negativity crept in to even my simplest actions, and that I dreamed of being in the classroom working with students daily instead of behind my desk wasting away.

I began to feel a prod in the direction of teaching again last May when I thought about restarting in my teaching program.  On a whim, I emailed the director to see about summer enrollment (what pregnant woman on restricted duty with two kids wouldn't want to add grad student to that fun mix?), doubting that I could get in before the summer classes started.  Mind you they did start the following week I think!

Magically, it worked! And I was able to enroll and start classes again.

Next came lots of opportunities this fall and less prodding and more pushing in this direction.

Over Christmas break, my hubby and I did lots of praying and talking and discussing and crying and came to the decision that it was time to leave my "perfect" job and pursue where the Lord was leading me into teaching.

So with the new year, came a new outlook and journey in life and I have left my full-time semi-stable job to work, for free for now, in the classroom and go to school to learn, practice, and perfect my craft.

The sermon that Sunday was on Following the Voice and 1 Samuel 3:9 and how sometimes we don't always understand right away what the Lord is calling on us to do, but if we listen and we lean on his support and guidance we will hear the directions to follow.

*I know, I know, crazy lady right? I have to say 5-10 years ago, I probably would have said the same thing, however I have seen over and over again how God's hand has been there and guided different events in my life and I cannot say with any more conviction that I believe his hand is guiding this as well (~crazy~)*

Sooooo I turned in my resignation, and stepped out on a leap of faith.  Each and every day I trust that he is leading me where he wants me to be and that when the time comes it will be plain to see!

A year in review

It's been a while.......

And I have missed this terribly.  I have pictures and stacks and notes of ideas, that I just keep piling up for when I have time to write.  However, like everything finding the time and making it a priority is hard.

The past year, specifically the past 6 months have been a life-changing whirlwind.

We welcomed #3 to the family!  We didn't know what our bundle of joy would be until he made his arrival but he has brought so much to our lives already.  You would think he is the biggest and shiniest toy in the world the way that his sis and bub make over him - we are lucky that they care so much!

Shortly after Bray made his arrival, my husband, Bodie, decided we had not spent enough time in the hospital and headed there himself with a mild heart attack.  For those that know us personally, you know that my strapping, handsome, beast of a husband has a huge scar down his chest as a forever reminder of his previous heart complications.  This one, three weeks after our son was born, hit a little close to home.

So needless to say, we've been really looking at what matters in life, to God, and to us - and hopefully all of those things align.  

In our search to discern where we are called and where we are supposed to be we have been spending most of our time with our family, friends, and church.  Those are the things that matter to us most in life.

Recently, as in this past Friday, we have made other big changes in our lives as I have left my nice-paying, cushy, miserable, full-time job to pursue a lifetime of teaching others.  Crazy right?!  I have a whole nother post, Following the Voice, that is coming that will detail this a little more for you nosy folks but suffice it to say - a BIG change in our lives.  We will take prayers and good tidings and positive karma along the way!  Needless to say we are trying to follow the below philosophy... I think we are doing ok!

~Tangent~ (yes, I write like I think and speak - good luck keeping up!) So Rose has just wandered up wanting to work on our Ancestry (that's been a new venture that we've loved as well!) and asked what I was doing.  I explained I was writing to my blog that I hadn't written to in over a year.  She said - do you think anyone will read it?  I told her that there had been over 900 views last year without me even writing anything!  "Wow Mom!  You could write about your gardening, and cooking, and put recipes and everything!"  She is definitely my daughter.  

Christmas Traditions and New Year's Resolutions

A little late I know, but better late than never right? (One of my New Year's Commitments is not to stress over the little things and take time to enjoy life!)

So the holidays were crazy however we more than enjoyed ourselves.  One of my favorite things about the holidays is not the gifts, although I do love giving them and seeing others faces light up, it's some of the traditions that we have passed down and hopefully will continue to pass down to the next generations.

As a little girl, it didn't matter where we were Santa always found us.  I say this because once my aunt in NC had my cousins, we would travel back and forth every other year so that we could all be together for the holidays.  For most of my childhood I remember being surround by family on Christmas morning - my Pop Pop and Granny, my parents, my aunts, and my uncles and cousins as they were added - there would be people everywhere!  My parents house when I was little wasn't too much bigger than mine and everyone stayed there - our beds became beds for others, the pull out couch became another bed and my sister and I slept on free space on the floor.  No hotel rooms just three bedrooms and two baths and a whole lot of family!  It was crazy but we were all together and they were all there for Christmas. 

Now, the family may not all come together from NC, however my parents and my sister and her husband all trek over from my parents early in the morning on Christmas Day to be here when the kids come out for Santa.  Because my mom is a nurse that works nights, we've sometimes had to hold the kids back for a while, but to see the kids joy and my parents in watching them - I would change a thing - especially this year!

 

Another Christmas tradition is my grandmother's dumplings (course these are good anytime of year!) - our little helpers assisted in the kitchen to get everyone involved!

(Bugs works better when his tongue is out - go figure!)

Another tradition - the wishbone!

 

 

One of our treasured traditions, and I think PopPop and Granny smile down from heaven on us, occurs on Christmas morning.  Santa doesn't wrap the presents he delivers at our house so when the kids come out - they can see the spoils that he has left.  Those are free game - they can open them and look at them as much as they want.  After that, before another present is opened - we take a couple minutes to remember the true present of Christmas. 

The kids look for baby Jesus (we have two nativity scene, luckily) who has gone from his warm place in the nativity scene to hiding somewhere in the Christmas Tree (now I'm not necessarily sure of the significance of hiding him in the Christmas Tree but this is what I remember as a child and what we are passing on to the kids - so sue me I don't have a story for everything!). 

Rosie helping Bugs locate his miracle in the manager.

Success!

 

Once Baby Jesus has been found we all (even Dad and Bodie join in) proceed in singing "Happy Birthday" to Baby Jesus.  Oh yeah!  Afterwards we all sit down for a minute, pull out a Bible, and read the story of Jesus birth.   I can remember the torture as a kid of seeing all of my presents, that I couldn't touch under the tree, and listening to a story I didn't really understand - but I can still see my PopPop sitting down in my parent's basement reading the story to us.  He's been gone for a very, very long time and while I didn't understand the words at the time, the repetition year after year ingrained a memory that is more important to me than all the presents in the world that I could have ever opened.  I can only hope and pray that one day my kids will feel the same way.....

As for New Year's resolutions, I'm refusing to make any because they always seem to get broken or fizzle out by the 15th (probably wishful thinking that they last that long).  Instead I'm continuing to make the changes in our lives that led us to this blog in the first place.  We are eating better, getting healthier, working on financial freedom, serving others - notice the word "trying" wasn't anywhere in that sentence!  We did continue our traditions into New Year's Eve (although everyone left long before the ball dropped!) where we celebrated with dear, dear friends and family just like we are blessed to do every year.  With the kids running around, and friends laughter ringing through the air - I couldn't think of a better way to close out 2013.

So what are some of your traditions and what are you "doing" this year to make your world better?

Attitudes and my own mutiny!

My daughter is six, let me start of by saying that first.  She has seen Miley's Wrecking Ball, although not that I wasn't happy about it, and has definitely started showing her developing attitude a lot more lately.   My grandmother has noticed it.  Rose and I have talked about it.  My neighbor and I were consoling ourselves this morning because we are seeing the same thing in both of our little girls - snarkiness, extreme sassiness (I'll be honest I'm okay with a little sassy and feel like it is my motherly duty to develop it correctly.  I'm always in awe of other women who are able to reply at the right time with just the right amount of sass and not come off snarky or naggy - I'm sooooooo not that woman!), whininess, moodiness and just plain attitude.

I asked Rose where she is learning to act like this (I'm not delusional, she's in public schools and I know that I can't protect her all of the time - but I do think that it is my job as a mother to continually open the lines of communication and redirect behaviors that are not appropriate) - her response was the older kids at school.  Not terribly surprised, about the answer I expected - monkey see, monkey do - right? 

And I completely understand that she is learning to develop her own personality, I just don't want it to be one that is so snarky. 

So I know that I can't control what she sees at school (okay, I guess I could spend all my time with her at school and monitor everything and everyone she interacts with.......but that might be a little crazy and I would never get any work done!), and we really try to monitor what she watches at home - so I'm left with what do I do?

Quite honestly, I don't think this is just a problem that we are experiencing in our house, or just across the street.  I think this is reflective of a bigger societal problem in how we still see women as a society and the impact it is having on our young girls. 

I came across this video that really hit home, Media views on Women in 2013.  I'm not that old (in comparing myself to a generation that had to walk to school for miles in the sleet and snow with only one pair of shoes for the whole year - you've heard that story right?) but I do remember when you didn't see ads for Viagra or tampons on TV and the Huxtables were the family that you wanted to go home to (I was watching the episode where Claire took Theo to Family Court in their living room for lying the other day, I hope I can be half the mother I think she was!).  The role models that young people looked up to generally remained true role models - not like Miley, Brittney, Lindsay, and Amanda have become.  I mean when Madonna first started singing and making videos those were risqué right (I only got to watch them by sneaking at friends house.....hmmmm probably how Rose saw Wrecking Ball, I guess)?  However she continued to push the envelope about bigger issues in society, not just focusing on herself.

I have to admit, I definitely wasn't as sensitive to all of this until I started watching my daughter reflect some of the behaviors she was witnessing - being worried about her body image (she thinks she needs to go on a diet to be beautiful and SHE'S SIX!!! For those that know me well, dieting is not a common word in our house - being healthy, yes, but not dieting!), wanting to wear make-up to be pretty (I've tried to tell her since she was born how pretty she is, inside and out, every single day of her life), all in addition to the attitude.

Soooo what the heck does a mother do?  Well, this one is waging my own personal mutiny against the way society is telling my daughter the way she should look, act, think and behave.  I'm committing to talking to her daily, letting her know that I'm here for her no matter what, monitoring what she is exposed, and reminding her of how blessed she is to be made in God's image.

Will you join me in my mutiny for our children??

Overwhelmed

Tomorrow is another Monday....some days I hate Mondays.  I didn't get my Sunday dose of the light at FUMC this week and it was bleak and dreary here.  While I did get to spend some wonderful family game time at lunch as the afternoon has progressed the blahs have set it - don't shake your head, I'm sure you've had them too.

My kids have been asking a lot about why we don't have presents yet under the tree and why we can't do this and why we can't do that.  And my answer usually is that we can spend our money on every little thing because then we won't have it to do the things we really want to - and my kids are usually really good about it and the subject drops. 

But it is this time of year - when there aren't yet presents under the tree, and the lights on the top of the tree don't work, and the washer machine decided to die tonight with a load soaking in it, and it all just seems a little overwhelming at times.  Has that ever happened to you?

I think it especially hits home with me at the moment because I have heard the words or allusion to suicide too much for my liking recently.  From people not realizing the impact of their words, to the lost's testimony at church, to a family friend that recently decided that it was just too much to take anymore - there is something about this time of the year, especially that people can forget about the others needing just a little kindness and love in their lives.

This past summer, I was really struggling with some things personally.  I mean had a hard time keeping it together at work for quite some time struggling and crying when I got home.   My daughter especially would begin checking on me in the rear view mirror if I got to quiet to make sure Mommy was okay.  It most definitely was not a good place to be. 

That is when this journey of living well really began to take hold and start.  I knew that if I wanted to get out of this pit that I was in I had to make some changes.  So I started looking  at my foods, getting active in sports with the kids, leaning more back on my husband (as if I should have never not been leaning on him in the first place, but you know some times you have to be strong enough to recognize you need to lean on someone else from time to time), working in the garden, and making sure that I was talking to God - a lot. 

Some where around the remembering to talk to God, because once again I for some silly reason thought I was strong enough to handle things ALL on my own....silly girl, time things started to click back into place for me.   I remember some one asking me if I listened to KLove - no silly lady that is the gospel junk that my granny used to listen too and I can't take more than 2 minutes (was my response in my head!) - and I said no.  She told me I needed to get some Mandisa in my life and jam all the way to work to get my spirit in the right place.  Man-di-who?  I must admit, sadly I didn't know that name, however I have since come to love her and am so blessed by the charge I'm given in the mornings by listening to Air One (NOT your Granny's gospel music - I promise). 

There are numerous studies that suggest our bodies and our emotions adjust to those around you.  So I for one, who has dealt with some blues before, hope that you will smile a little brighter at the stranger beside you, say a kind word to the person you pass in the hall, encourage you to surround yourself with positivity when you are feeling down, blast out some Mandisa and know that you don't have to be overwhelmed - you can be an Overcomer!