Where are you going?

I'll be honest I struggle with setting goals, and therefore struggle with meeting them. I think for me personally, I sometimes try to bite of more than I can chew and end up trying without doing. Which is why I think over the past couple of months, we've just started "doing" things without necessarily an end goal in mind. One of the great cop-outs, er I mean benefits, of doing that is it's kind of like "trying" right? I mean if you don't really have an established goal, then you can never fail.....however can you really succeed?

My day job is working for a large Fortune 500 company that has a "pay for performance" plan for salary increases - much to the dismay of many of the new leaders within the company.  Employees set goals, or commitments, work towards those commitments throughout the year and then measured against the benchmark that they set in the end to determine their salary increase.  It's a similar plan across many businesses. 

One thing that I have seen my team members struggle with is setting SMART goals, and quite honestly this is one of the main areas where I struggle in setting personal goals.  I want to skip right over the moon and stars and go straight to another galaxy.  But that is the thing about setting SMART goals, when thought about and done correctly this technique doesn't allow you to skip the stars and you don't give up flying to the moon.

So what are SMART goals? 

S – Specific (or Significant).
M – Measurable (or Meaningful)
A – Attainable (or Action-Oriented)
R – Relevant (or Rewarding)
T – Time-bound (or Trackable)

So to say that my goal for my family is to eat healthier in 2014....if you look at it that is not really a goal - it's a lifestyle change, my dream or an end result.  The goal is the steps along the way to get there. 

So my goal might be "I will read food labels for each pre-packaged item that I bring into my home, every time I go shopping in 2014 to ensure that it is a healthy choice for my family."

Is it specific? Pretty daggone if you ask me :)
Is it measurable?  Every time I go shopping for each item - yep.
Is it attainable?  It might be a little big at first if I eat a lot of packaged items, and this is where it could be broken down to smaller goals may be helpful.
Is it relevant?  This is something I'm becoming very passionate and educated on so yes, very relevant to me!
Is it time-bound? Every time I go shopping in 2014 - check!

The other part of goal setting that I struggle with personally, (anyone else out there - come on I can't be by myself on this one) is sharing my goal so that others can help me along the way (and hold me accountable).  I guess, I almost feel like if I keep it to myself, once again no one can know if I fail (gee, can you see a reoccurring theme of fear of failure here?).  But any good support system will cheer you on in your goal when it is one to make you or the world around you better (I mean, I would really have to question your support system if your goal was to rob so many banks, or fart so many times a day - this should be the time they should step up and lovingly remind you that those are SMART goals - in any way, shape or form).

Some of my personal goals for 2014 (so you aren't getting the specific version - sorry that's reserved for the ones who actually know all of my innermost secrets!):

*Establish and maintain a monthly household budget and review it weekly
*Work out for 20-30 minutes 2-3 times a week
*Read to my munchkins at least 4 nights a week
*Remove the toxic chemicals from my home and convert to greener products
*Eat 2 fruits a day (seems silly I know, but seeing as how I don't do it daily it probably should be a goal)
*Have 1 date night a month with my hubby (no one said we had to spend money - maybe I just cook for him at home while the kids spend the night elsewhere - that counts as a date right?)

There they are published - now you can hold me accountable or cheer me along, however you best motivate!

What are your goals?  Where are you going?  How do you plan to get there?

Christmas Traditions and New Year's Resolutions

A little late I know, but better late than never right? (One of my New Year's Commitments is not to stress over the little things and take time to enjoy life!)

So the holidays were crazy however we more than enjoyed ourselves.  One of my favorite things about the holidays is not the gifts, although I do love giving them and seeing others faces light up, it's some of the traditions that we have passed down and hopefully will continue to pass down to the next generations.

As a little girl, it didn't matter where we were Santa always found us.  I say this because once my aunt in NC had my cousins, we would travel back and forth every other year so that we could all be together for the holidays.  For most of my childhood I remember being surround by family on Christmas morning - my Pop Pop and Granny, my parents, my aunts, and my uncles and cousins as they were added - there would be people everywhere!  My parents house when I was little wasn't too much bigger than mine and everyone stayed there - our beds became beds for others, the pull out couch became another bed and my sister and I slept on free space on the floor.  No hotel rooms just three bedrooms and two baths and a whole lot of family!  It was crazy but we were all together and they were all there for Christmas. 

Now, the family may not all come together from NC, however my parents and my sister and her husband all trek over from my parents early in the morning on Christmas Day to be here when the kids come out for Santa.  Because my mom is a nurse that works nights, we've sometimes had to hold the kids back for a while, but to see the kids joy and my parents in watching them - I would change a thing - especially this year!

 

Another Christmas tradition is my grandmother's dumplings (course these are good anytime of year!) - our little helpers assisted in the kitchen to get everyone involved!

(Bugs works better when his tongue is out - go figure!)

Another tradition - the wishbone!

 

 

One of our treasured traditions, and I think PopPop and Granny smile down from heaven on us, occurs on Christmas morning.  Santa doesn't wrap the presents he delivers at our house so when the kids come out - they can see the spoils that he has left.  Those are free game - they can open them and look at them as much as they want.  After that, before another present is opened - we take a couple minutes to remember the true present of Christmas. 

The kids look for baby Jesus (we have two nativity scene, luckily) who has gone from his warm place in the nativity scene to hiding somewhere in the Christmas Tree (now I'm not necessarily sure of the significance of hiding him in the Christmas Tree but this is what I remember as a child and what we are passing on to the kids - so sue me I don't have a story for everything!). 

Rosie helping Bugs locate his miracle in the manager.

Success!

 

Once Baby Jesus has been found we all (even Dad and Bodie join in) proceed in singing "Happy Birthday" to Baby Jesus.  Oh yeah!  Afterwards we all sit down for a minute, pull out a Bible, and read the story of Jesus birth.   I can remember the torture as a kid of seeing all of my presents, that I couldn't touch under the tree, and listening to a story I didn't really understand - but I can still see my PopPop sitting down in my parent's basement reading the story to us.  He's been gone for a very, very long time and while I didn't understand the words at the time, the repetition year after year ingrained a memory that is more important to me than all the presents in the world that I could have ever opened.  I can only hope and pray that one day my kids will feel the same way.....

As for New Year's resolutions, I'm refusing to make any because they always seem to get broken or fizzle out by the 15th (probably wishful thinking that they last that long).  Instead I'm continuing to make the changes in our lives that led us to this blog in the first place.  We are eating better, getting healthier, working on financial freedom, serving others - notice the word "trying" wasn't anywhere in that sentence!  We did continue our traditions into New Year's Eve (although everyone left long before the ball dropped!) where we celebrated with dear, dear friends and family just like we are blessed to do every year.  With the kids running around, and friends laughter ringing through the air - I couldn't think of a better way to close out 2013.

So what are some of your traditions and what are you "doing" this year to make your world better?

Monthly Cooking Night - MIA!

So it's been over a month since our last "cooking night" as my hubby calls it and I have to tell you I am missing it something awful!  We were supposed to get together last month and with Thanksgiving and prep it all got a little too crazy.  Then we were supposed to get together this Friday, however the Christmas parade has been rescheduled until then - so now we are pushed off until Jan. - boo.

What is our cooking night you might ask?  Check out my friend Kelly's blog at
Recipes We Love - Freezer Cooking with Friends #4 and as usual she does an amazing job laying it all out.

Short story is a group of us girls (okay my kids and hubby tag along for play dates with her child and hubby if I'm being honest) get together once a month and for about $50 pre-cook/prepare 8-12 different meals/sides/desserts to take back to our own homes.  It is usually enough food to last dinner wise (or sharing with others) for a good week or two. 

Now one of the best benefits for this working mom is the Martha Stewart amazing efforts of my friend Kelly who preps everything for us so that we can just come, cook, and enjoy!

Bodie was doubtful at first, but even he looks forward to our monthly girls night and has been asking when the next one is!  And when you have someone who double fists food like my munchkin does - it's a good thing to have a freezer full!

Attitudes and my own mutiny!

My daughter is six, let me start of by saying that first.  She has seen Miley's Wrecking Ball, although not that I wasn't happy about it, and has definitely started showing her developing attitude a lot more lately.   My grandmother has noticed it.  Rose and I have talked about it.  My neighbor and I were consoling ourselves this morning because we are seeing the same thing in both of our little girls - snarkiness, extreme sassiness (I'll be honest I'm okay with a little sassy and feel like it is my motherly duty to develop it correctly.  I'm always in awe of other women who are able to reply at the right time with just the right amount of sass and not come off snarky or naggy - I'm sooooooo not that woman!), whininess, moodiness and just plain attitude.

I asked Rose where she is learning to act like this (I'm not delusional, she's in public schools and I know that I can't protect her all of the time - but I do think that it is my job as a mother to continually open the lines of communication and redirect behaviors that are not appropriate) - her response was the older kids at school.  Not terribly surprised, about the answer I expected - monkey see, monkey do - right? 

And I completely understand that she is learning to develop her own personality, I just don't want it to be one that is so snarky. 

So I know that I can't control what she sees at school (okay, I guess I could spend all my time with her at school and monitor everything and everyone she interacts with.......but that might be a little crazy and I would never get any work done!), and we really try to monitor what she watches at home - so I'm left with what do I do?

Quite honestly, I don't think this is just a problem that we are experiencing in our house, or just across the street.  I think this is reflective of a bigger societal problem in how we still see women as a society and the impact it is having on our young girls. 

I came across this video that really hit home, Media views on Women in 2013.  I'm not that old (in comparing myself to a generation that had to walk to school for miles in the sleet and snow with only one pair of shoes for the whole year - you've heard that story right?) but I do remember when you didn't see ads for Viagra or tampons on TV and the Huxtables were the family that you wanted to go home to (I was watching the episode where Claire took Theo to Family Court in their living room for lying the other day, I hope I can be half the mother I think she was!).  The role models that young people looked up to generally remained true role models - not like Miley, Brittney, Lindsay, and Amanda have become.  I mean when Madonna first started singing and making videos those were risqué right (I only got to watch them by sneaking at friends house.....hmmmm probably how Rose saw Wrecking Ball, I guess)?  However she continued to push the envelope about bigger issues in society, not just focusing on herself.

I have to admit, I definitely wasn't as sensitive to all of this until I started watching my daughter reflect some of the behaviors she was witnessing - being worried about her body image (she thinks she needs to go on a diet to be beautiful and SHE'S SIX!!! For those that know me well, dieting is not a common word in our house - being healthy, yes, but not dieting!), wanting to wear make-up to be pretty (I've tried to tell her since she was born how pretty she is, inside and out, every single day of her life), all in addition to the attitude.

Soooo what the heck does a mother do?  Well, this one is waging my own personal mutiny against the way society is telling my daughter the way she should look, act, think and behave.  I'm committing to talking to her daily, letting her know that I'm here for her no matter what, monitoring what she is exposed, and reminding her of how blessed she is to be made in God's image.

Will you join me in my mutiny for our children??

Overwhelmed

Tomorrow is another Monday....some days I hate Mondays.  I didn't get my Sunday dose of the light at FUMC this week and it was bleak and dreary here.  While I did get to spend some wonderful family game time at lunch as the afternoon has progressed the blahs have set it - don't shake your head, I'm sure you've had them too.

My kids have been asking a lot about why we don't have presents yet under the tree and why we can't do this and why we can't do that.  And my answer usually is that we can spend our money on every little thing because then we won't have it to do the things we really want to - and my kids are usually really good about it and the subject drops. 

But it is this time of year - when there aren't yet presents under the tree, and the lights on the top of the tree don't work, and the washer machine decided to die tonight with a load soaking in it, and it all just seems a little overwhelming at times.  Has that ever happened to you?

I think it especially hits home with me at the moment because I have heard the words or allusion to suicide too much for my liking recently.  From people not realizing the impact of their words, to the lost's testimony at church, to a family friend that recently decided that it was just too much to take anymore - there is something about this time of the year, especially that people can forget about the others needing just a little kindness and love in their lives.

This past summer, I was really struggling with some things personally.  I mean had a hard time keeping it together at work for quite some time struggling and crying when I got home.   My daughter especially would begin checking on me in the rear view mirror if I got to quiet to make sure Mommy was okay.  It most definitely was not a good place to be. 

That is when this journey of living well really began to take hold and start.  I knew that if I wanted to get out of this pit that I was in I had to make some changes.  So I started looking  at my foods, getting active in sports with the kids, leaning more back on my husband (as if I should have never not been leaning on him in the first place, but you know some times you have to be strong enough to recognize you need to lean on someone else from time to time), working in the garden, and making sure that I was talking to God - a lot. 

Some where around the remembering to talk to God, because once again I for some silly reason thought I was strong enough to handle things ALL on my own....silly girl, time things started to click back into place for me.   I remember some one asking me if I listened to KLove - no silly lady that is the gospel junk that my granny used to listen too and I can't take more than 2 minutes (was my response in my head!) - and I said no.  She told me I needed to get some Mandisa in my life and jam all the way to work to get my spirit in the right place.  Man-di-who?  I must admit, sadly I didn't know that name, however I have since come to love her and am so blessed by the charge I'm given in the mornings by listening to Air One (NOT your Granny's gospel music - I promise). 

There are numerous studies that suggest our bodies and our emotions adjust to those around you.  So I for one, who has dealt with some blues before, hope that you will smile a little brighter at the stranger beside you, say a kind word to the person you pass in the hall, encourage you to surround yourself with positivity when you are feeling down, blast out some Mandisa and know that you don't have to be overwhelmed - you can be an Overcomer!

Sharing the Love

Filling others cups...
 

Have you ever had to spend the holidays away from home?  And maybe not just away from home because you were visiting friends and family, but in a hospital or alone with no one around.  If you haven't, count your very many blessings because as we all sit down this Thanksgiving remember there are those who can't - for whatever reason.

Now this isn't a blog to make you feel bad about how blessed you have been - I don't believe in that crap.  But what it is about is our journey to try and (see "try" still slips into my vocabulary) make the world around us a little better place and how we are doing that.

Most Thanksgivings when we are home we will go and deliver meals with the local Meals On Wheels program.  We started doing this when Rose was a year old and it has been an excellent way to get out into our community - for her to see how fortunate we are. 

I will never forget a couple of years ago we delivered to an older man, who lived in a decent part of town (some of the homes we delivered to were missing floors, shacks, etc.).  He was so apologetic for getting his meal - see his wife was in a nursing home and he spent most of his time there with her and just didn't have the gumption to cook when he got home.  He said it wasn't that he couldn't afford to pay the meals, he just wanted some home cooking without having to sit by himself at a restaurant. 

See that's the thing that I love about Meals on Wheels and many of the other opportunities to support others.  There isn't a question of the why behind the need - they are just there to fill it - and I think that is how we are all called to treat others.

We weren't going to be home this Thanksgiving so we helped prepare a meal for a friend instead.  She and her family will be spending Thanksgiving and the day after, which happens to be her birthday, with her sister and brother-in-law at the cancer hospital while he fights for his life.  To keep his and the rest of the family's spirits up some of our friends have gotten together to provide them a little taste of the holiday.  I dropped my contribution - and some pretty plates to hopefully make the hospital room a little more homey - off at the organizer's home on the way out of town.

So this holiday as you are enjoying your time with loved ones - take a moment and remember those that may not be as fortunate.  And if you can take time to do something about it - even if it just make your smile a little brighter as you pass the gravy!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Not Just Another Birthday

Every year we are given a special day to reflect back on the years before and the years to come - our birthday.

Looking back over the years, there have been great ones.......and some I would prefer to forget.  But today has probably been the best so far and I am blessed to look back over the years and reflect on how lucky I have been with the life that I have been blessed with.

I don't remember a lot from my 8th (or many of my other younger birthdays) birthday except a very inexpensive present that one friend gave.  It was a handmade card with two dollar bills through out it at the appropriate places and it said "Two (with a bill here), Four (and another one here), Six (and another one here.... you get the picture right?), Eight (last one!), Who do we appreciate?  Amber!" 

To this day, I have never forgotten this card and have shared the importance of heartfelt gifts with my kids.  When Rose, my daughter who is in first grade, got upset one day because "nobody likes handmade cards Mom!" I told her of this one that I remembered all of this time.  Now, one of her and Bugs favorite things to do is to make cards for others - in fact, I just got mine for today!

Over the past year, we have been making changes in our home - one of which is being more involved in serving those and the world around us.  Regardless of how hard we may struggle at times, I am so fortunate to have a job, amazing children, a wonderful husband, a home, a family that is extremely supportive and involved - things that so many others don't have.  So today, to celebrate this day and all that have been given to me - we chose to spend time with loved ones and give back to others.

We got to spend this morning with Bodie's family, then celebrate at church (of which Bugs announced my birthday during children's moments to the ENTIRE church - followed by my age....I'm thinking he should not be allowed anywhere near a microphone any more!), and then the whole family helped load and pack boxes for Operation Christmas Child.  It was overwhelming to be able to give back to others one this day when I have been given so much. 

We will be spending time with friends and my family this evening to finish the day out.  Spending the day with the ones I love, reflecting on the years many blessings I have received, and giving to others to fill some one else's cup - it's not just another birthday - it's the best birthday ever!

"Now I know, I know
It's not just another birthday
'Cause I'm here, she's here
And look how far we've come
Since you've called me, saw me
Held me and freed me
Thank you, Lord, for another birthday
And we'll be fine
We'll be fine"